I posted this picture some days ago but then deleted it because that’s what I usually do to personal pictures. But I am posting it again because it’s my favorite picture of myself. A friend of mine took it two weeks ago when we went out for coffee.
Since I don’t usually post personal stuff, I’m sure my followers don’t know this: There was a time I used to think I was unattractive—“ugly” was the word I used to describe my physical appearance. Yes, there was a time I thought I was ugly. I compared myself to other girls all the time and somehow I thought they were always prettier than me. In my mind, every girl was prettier than me. I became extremely weird and shy around boys and until the age of 17, no boy had ever asked me out. I thought this was because they found me unattractive. I didn’t connect to people and I felt distant. I hated other girls for being pretty. I hated boys for not asking me out. I hated myself for being ugly. I didn’t have friends. I didn’t want to make friends. I was fucking depressed. It took me years to realize that I wasn’t “ugly”, I just needed to take care of myself. I had never worn lipstick or eye shadow for fuck’s sake. I started wearing make-up. I changed my hairstyle. I started liking the way I looked. So did everyone else. Boys wanted to date me, they wanted me to be their girlfriend or at least fuck me. People complimented me on my looks—they called me “pretty”, “you look like a model”, “I wish I looked like you!” I’m not going to rant about how people are so fucking shallow that they start being nice to you only when they find you attractive or about how I wanted to break boys’ hearts because they had never noticed me when I was “ugly” and were only finally noticing me because I had become pretty—I’m not going to talk about that kind of stuff. I’m only going to say this: You are pretty. I know you think you are not because some asshole called you ugly once when you were in the 6th grade, but you are. You are pretty. You just don’t feel pretty. So start doing things that make you feel pretty. Things that make you feel attractive, sexy. Not for others, but for yourself. If applying eyeliner makes you feel pretty, wake up early every day and apply that fucker until you get it perfect. If wearing short floral dresses makes you feel pretty, fucking wear them. You deserve to feel pretty because you are pretty, you just haven’t realized it yet.
No filter because I finally love the way I look. And I’m definitely not deleting this.